


If It Is What You Wanted

by czarna_pantera



Series: Doctor Pressnall's files [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Not Romance, One Night Stands, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Robin Hood References, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:40:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5810410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/czarna_pantera/pseuds/czarna_pantera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Completely ordinary and unventful evening in Starling. Up to a certain point. Oliver returns from his patrol earlier than usual. And then under a spur of the moment something unexpected happens in the foundry... Exploring Oliver's and Felicity's relationship from a little different angle. AU after second season. A gap-filler to "A Professional Observation".</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Is What You Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> A little gap-filler I wrote for AU story „A Professional Observation", presenting events mentioned in chapter 7, but from Felicity's POV. I didn't plan it originally, it just happened along the way. Since what I have to say about this particular story might spoil the reading I'm putting my notes in the afterword. Can be read without reading "A Professional Observation" first, but for sure it will make more sense if you know that one.
> 
> Many thanks to Perosha for beta.

**If It Is What You Wanted**

It was another completely ordinary and empty day. Or rather a completely ordinary and empty evening. Uneventful, to put it mildly. Surprisingly calm, if one took into account that it was Starling City, which was supposed to always be restless and hectic and crazy. But not today. Absolutely nothing was happening on the streets.

Felicity stifled a yawn, supporting her chin on her hand and looking at the flashing computer screens, blinking. Oliver had left for his usual patrol some hours ago. They exchanged only a few words when she arrived, as she was little late due to doing some overtime in her day job. They kept in touch through the communicator. He rarely spoke, but that was a good sign. It meant nothing out of the ordinary was occurring.

She took her eyes off the screens, showing the views from the main cameras of the city's monitoring and looked at a different set, located at her right side. There was a separate console for monitoring news about everything that was happening in the city. A long time ago she had reconfigured the software Queen Consolidated used for monitoring and analyzing financial information. Instead of business news, real market statistics, and stock exchange indexes, it was searching for data in all the sources they might find useful. The police and FBI's databases, reports, press articles, and even people's notes on Twitter and blogs. Everything could be filtered using accurate keywords. If something occurred right now, the application would flash with alert messages. Today there were zero of them.

 _Maybe there is something wrong with the settings again?_ she thought, starting to feel some doubts. She had a habit of checking the setup quite often, but perhaps... She did it again right now, but everything seemed to be working fine.

Felicity gazed back at the main computer screens. She wondered what Oliver was doing. Did he take a vantage point on some rooftop in Glades, maybe close to Grell Street, and was keeping watch over his city from up there?

She hoped that he was not as cold as she was right now. Because it was really chilly in the foundry. There must have been a draft somewhere and the roof was leaking again in a few places. Having learnt the lesson the hard way, she was wearing knee-high boots recently. That and a mug of a hot green tea she was sipping allowed her to survive those few hours she usually spent here. Pity that she didn't think about wearing a longer skirt than this short black one, which reached just above her knees. She was not exactly a morning person, and also hadn't sleep too well last night, so she didn't give too much thought to what to put on today.

Suddenly the screens of the device with the tracking application running flashed, alert windows popping on one after another. She choked on her tea and immediately was struck with one panicked thought. Oliver! What if something had happened to him?

She checked the alerts frantically. But there was nothing about a police's manhunt for the vigilante, which was her first thought. Instead there was information about some wide-spread operation, something about the police launching a crackdown on car thieves. They raided a few of their hide-holes at the same time, to take the gang's members by surprise and arrest all of them at once. Clever, she had to admit. But why hadn't she known anything about it beforehand? There must have been a serious loophole in their system then, maybe one of the certificates was not valid anymore...

She tried to check them right now, but couldn't think straight and just looked at the screen blankly. Why Oliver was not reporting? Was he all right?

It took some time before he finally spoke. She felt a sense of immediate relief upon hearing the sound of his voice.

_"_ _Felicity? You there?"_

"Yes! Are you okay?"

" _Yes, I'm fine. I think I'll call it a night. I won't try my luck, almost ran into some cops. Something big happening in the city tonight..._ _Saw forces in at least four different places. The blue is everywhere, SWAT teams... I don't exactly look forward to earning a bullet for wearing this hood so..._ " he said grimly. She knew what he meant. While the cops from The Glade's precinct generally stayed civil with the vigilante and turned a blind eye to his activities, SWAT despised him. Since he was still a wanted man, they had the right to shoot him on sight. " _I'm coming back._ "

"Will wait for you," she said. She was little worried that he might have problems with coming back to Verdant, with all those not exactly friendly cops swarming Starling's streets, but well, at least the police action was taking far away from Glades. He would find a way to stay out of their sight. He always did.

Oliver was back around half an hour later. She occupied herself with tweaking the application's setup in the meantime and now was just waiting for him.

"Glad you came back safely," she said, turning on her swivel chair away from the screens and setting the tea mug aside. "Really early for you, eh?"

"Yes, but I didn't want to take an unnecessary risk," he said calmly.

She watched him as he put aside his bow on one of the metal tables. He pulled his hood off his head and took off the mask, to set it aside the Oneida Kestrel. Then he took the quiver off his back. Felicity noticed that it was still full of arrows. Apparently he didn't find any targets tonight.

It was so strange to acknowledge that it was only two of them now. Well, Laurel often helped them on her side in D.A. office, and there was also Captain Lance, who they could count as an ally too. But somehow when she thought about them as a team, apart from the two of them, Dig and Roy came to her mind most often. But Arsenal had left to Bludhaven to forge his own path, and John...When it come to John, the story was much more complicated.

Oliver unzipped his jacket but didn't take it off. He leaned over the table and hung his head slightly. Felicity, who was busy admiring how good he looked in green leather, abandoned this thought at once, when she noticed that his glance became distant for a while. Uh-oh, was he having one of those mood swings of his?

"Oliver? Is everything right?" she asked, immediately worried.

He didn't answer for a while, and then said very quietly:

"You know, for a moment I thought that they were after me... They even sent the helicopter into the air, so it really looked like a round-up."

She got up from the chair and approached him. He turned away from the table and leaned slightly against it, gazed at her.

"Sometimes it really sucks...To have that thought at the back of your mind, that they can open fire without warning. I usually don't think about it, but today..."

"What happened?" she asked, sensing that he didn't have that particular thought without a reason.

He hesitated. Not like he had learned to talk about what was bothering him since she had known him, but sometimes he squeezed out something.

"During that SCPD operation... I had to hide on the roof in one place and wait, before I could move on safely. Everything went smoothly with that raid of theirs...Except... SWAT shot one guy. An African-American kid, no older than twenty, I believe. They must have thought that he had a weapon. I couldn't tell if it was true, didn't see exactly. But when I looked at him, lying down there and bleeding out on the pavement...All I could think was that I don't want to go like that..."

It broke her heart to see Oliver like this. She was so sorry for him. The kind of life he led put such a great strain on him! She watched it taking a toll on him every day, bit by bit. She stroked his arm sympathetically, as delicately as if she were touching a distrustful, half-wild animal.

And then... She had no idea what came over her. It was not like her to throw herself on a guy, no matter how attractive she found him. She'd had a crush on him ever since they had met, even before she had learned that he was the vigilante. But so far she kept her feelings and emotions at bay. The best she could. But at this moment she forgot all about it. She stepped closer to him and kissed on the lips. At first he froze, but to her surprise he didn't pull away. He seized her by her arms, drawing her to himself hastily. Really close. And he kissed her back. She felt as if the earth moved under her feet. He didn't need to do much to arouse her body's response. Her heart started to flutter in her chest, and she flushed, barely able to breathe.

But then suddenly, when they were progressing in a good direction, he broke off the kiss and rapidly stepped aside.

"No, we can't," he said, his voice a little hoarse. Those were the three words she didn't want to hear. He seemed to be disconcerted and threw her a quick restless glance, then turned away as if he intended to go. What had happened to make him jump back like a scalded cat? She didn't understand.

After a prolonged awkward silence, she plucked up all courage she could muster and asked:

"Oliver...What's wrong?"

She was sure that it wasn't a lack of attraction toward her which caused him to hold back. He turned away from her quickly, but his costume...well...was really tight, especially in some places. And when he embraced her, they were standing really close to each other. Actually he looked as if he needed a very cold shower to cool down right now. So what was it then? Being in another relationship couldn't be the reason either. Not like he confided in her about his love life on a daily basis, but she knew that recently it was practically nonexistent. _Just like hers._ Being a vigilante didn't exactly leave much spare time, let alone for pursuing relationships. He tried to have a normal life shortly after his return. Dated girls, but both his relationships with Helena and McKenna ended in a disaster. Then he realized that his mission as the Arrow interfered too much with whatever life he could have outside this hood. And gave up on the part related to relationships completely.

"Oliver?" she asked nervously. His hood, pulled down, was lying loosely on his back, and her eyes were riveted to it, just to focus on something. But she didn't want to talk to his hood. Moreover, she wanted him to say something. _Anything._ And to look at her.

"Is this what you truly want?" He finally spoke. Very silently, with a soft tone of voice which was so different from the vigilante's harsh one. Every time he spoke like that to her she felt weak at the knees. She had no doubt what he was asking about.

"Yes, for a very long time," she said with a lump in her throat, feeling the tension, anxiety and desire all mixed together inside her body, ready to burst. Knotted in her abdomen...or rather a bit lower...so tightly that it was almost painful. She wanted him so much... _So badly._ Especially since was one of those days when she wouldn't mind having a man's company.

When he didn't answer anything for a longer time, she understood that she had nothing to wait for. Had only made a fool of herself.

"I'm sorry, I know, it's stupid, and embarrassing, and I better..." she said, blushing. God, why she couldn't hold her tongue behind her teeth? By this time he must have realized that what she felt for him was much more than a mere crush, even if before he was not aware of it or simply ignored her, or...Why couldn't she think straight when it come to him? She acted like some peasant woman hooking on Robin Hood...

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

She should just go. And take that cold shower herself.

She turned around to snatch her handbag, which was lying on the table next to the computer's screens, and leave the foundry as fast as possible, feeling the tears of embarrassment already pricking in her eyes. It was so pathetic to get so close and _still_ be denied. She took no more than two steps, her high-heels clacking loud on the concrete floor of the foundry (she really didn't want to demonstrate _anything_ , she was just being nervous) when suddenly he was by her side in a swift move. So silently that he even startled her a bit. Grabbed her by her right arm firmly, just above the elbow, stopping in the place. She glanced at his gloved hand, surprised, then meet his eyes, a questioning look in her own. She didn't want to set her hopes too high, but...

"You know that we both will probably regret this later," he said. His eyes wore such a sad expression... And he looked so...vulnerable at that moment. As if his vigilante self—always strong, self-confident and determined—had disappeared in a thin air. That was probably why he let his guard down. There was only Oliver left. And he was a very, very lonely man.

"I don't care. I really don't care, Oliver," she assured him. "Do you understand?"

"Then for once stop talking," he said and pulled her closer. He took off her glasses and kissed her again.

Her heart started beating like crazy, as if it wanted to burst out of her chest. She couldn't believe that it was happening for real. Wasn't this just one of her fantasies? Wasn't it a dream she was about to wake up from? _Oh God, if it is a dream, let it last a little longer..._

He took her hand and lead her away from the centre of the foundry to the part which was a very poor substitute for living quarters. It was rather spartan, as he didn't keep too many personal belongings there. Some casual clothes and an old family photo were among the few things she could name. But there, in a shadowy corner, behind the line of pillars supporting the roof, stood the bed... Definitely the most interesting piece of furniture in the foundry right now.

The last fully conscious thought she had was that she should discreetly get rid of her push-up bra. But Oliver didn't seem to pay any special attention to her bra. Rather on undressing her...in general. She was not far behind, helping him out of the Arrow's jacket and the black shirt he was wearing under it.

She couldn't fully admire his body, although she finally got to see his naked form, not only his bare chest during his workouts. He was...blurry to her eyes, because of that damn short-sightedness. _If I had only known, I would have worn contacts today..._ But the very last thing they both had on their minds right now was just looking at each other. Finally she could wrap her arms around him, touch and caress that scarred back of his, and cling to him really, really tightly as he kissed her down the neck. It was so chilly in the foundry that she shivered, and gooseflesh quickly covered her bare arms and legs. But she was sure that very soon he would take care of making her feel warm enough.

As they laid on the fold-out bed he slept on in the foundry she caught a brief glimpse of green and pink blurry shapes with a corner of her eye, and realized that it was the Arrow's jacket and hood lying next to her sweater. _The strangest combination of colors._ _Ever_.

She was not sure if what was about to happen wouldn't be a little too much for this old bed to withstand. If it wouldn't collapse under the both of them. It would be so embarrassing. But it seemed to hold on quite well, as she felt the weight of his body on top of her and...

_Oh my God._

He was really getting straight to the point. Or rather to the target. No matter if it was on an archery board or between a woman's legs.

But she was fine with that. She was more than ready. After all, she had awaited and dreamed for this moment long enough.

* * *

She lay beside him with her head against his chest. Oliver's right arm was wrapped around her back. He was asleep. She also must have dozed off, but woke up well before the dawn. She could use some more sleep. Her eyes were burning from tiredness. But she didn't want this moment to slip away. Not now. The centre of the foundry was lit from the cold light of floor lamps, which they left switched on, but the corner with the bed was covered in shadows. She felt... _secure_ here. And good. Mostly. Even despite the fact that a part of her dream had dispelled for good. Not like he lacked a certain level of...passion. He wanted to please her, of that she was sure. He just tried to show it a bit too much. And that betrayed him.

She was not stupid. She sensed that although Oliver certainly didn't lack _a need_ to be with someone, and that someone happened to be her, there was no wish for real commitment behind it.

Unrequited love—wasn't it one of the most sad and miserable things in the world?

 _A peasant woman hooking up with Robin Hood..._ Once that thought entered her mind, she couldn't get it out of her head. He was a bit like him. Not like Robert of Loxley, but like Robert of Huntingdon, a nobleman turned outlaw. There were two Robins in that old show she loved to watch, one taking the mantle after the other. And she always had a soft spot for the second one, played by Jason Connery. She admired him because he gave up everything he had—a title, a fortune, lands—to help people. Just like Oliver. He was also fair-haired and had a gorgeous smile...Oliver was a dark blond, but he also could smile so beautifully...She just couldn't remember last time when he wasn't wearing that grim and sour expression of his...And didn't have this haunted and empty look in his eyes...

There was no story in that show about some woman from Wickham falling for Robin, but Felicity could easily imagine that it happened off screen. It seemed that now she filled this part in the Arrow's story. But she didn't want to trouble herself with those thoughts now.

Because for that one night he was truly _hers_. Not Laurel's or Sara's. Or mysterious Shado's he so rarely spoke of. Not any other woman's he was with after his return. She was never envious of them (well, maybe only _a little, tiny bit_ ), she just acknowledged the fact. She didn't care how he was before the island, how many girls he had slept with. He was a different man back then.

Well, come to think of that, it hadn't been a whole night _exactly_ , but it sounded better that way, didn't it?

She was also aware that it was probably the first and the last time they would sleep with each other. One-night stand. She knew how it worked. She also knew that by tomorrow Oliver would be feeling guilty about what had happened. That he would tell himself that he used her. A naive girl who was ready to jump into bed at his beck and call. She wouldn't be able to explain to him that it was what she wanted. That she also _needed_ that. That it was _her_ decision. That she had made her move on him. She wasn't so blind to not realize deep down that he didn't return her feelings. She just hoped that if something would ever happen between them, it would be a new beginning for both of them. But apparently that happened only in cheap romances. But come to think of that... He had an (un)healthy chunk of history with the Lance sisters. Apparently couldn't decide between Laurel and Sara, not even after his return. Why couldn't he choose third option and be with her then? There might be no true love for her in him, but that small spark would be enough for her. She didn't need a fire to get warm, candlelight was all she asked for.

At least for now.

Because she knew that if they went down this path, it couldn't work out. Not when one of them loved so much, and the other didn't. She knew it would be hurtful for both of them. But she wanted to believe otherwise. That over time she could...change him.

Her fingers lightly brushed a small scar just under his left collarbone. The one left by the bullet of his mother's gun, when she shot him. He had attacked her in the Arrow's disguise in her office in Queen Consolidated, to question about the Undertaking, but everything turned out very badly. He could have died that day. She had found him hiding in the backseat of her car, bleeding out and about to lose consciousness. He asked for her help and she didn't refuse, although she was terrified. The whole way to the old steel factory which once belonged to the Queens, where he'd wanted her to take him, she kept asking herself what on earth she was doing, aiding a criminal and a murderer. But she helped save his life back then, and since then their paths had become entwined.

She knew that it was not the first time he had almost died. Dig had told her that he had close shaves even before that unfortunate business with his mother. Something about that awful Vertigo stuff. He barely survived. There was also the Dark Archer, who also beat him up pretty badly.

Oliver stirred in his sleep, muttering something she couldn't catch. She froze, but fortunately he didn't wake up. And didn't take his arm off her.

 _Was it Russian?_ she wondered. _Didn't sound like Chinese..._

She stroked his cheek gently. He was wearing a few days' stubble, as usual. It prickled when they kissed but she didn't have anything against that. Because they had finally kissed. Oh dear, it was so amazing when he kissed her down the neck...

She didn't want to wonder if he kissed all girls who he had one-night stands with like that. She wanted to think that she had a special place in his heart. After all, he frequently called her a friend, said that he cared for her very much. It was quite a different thing when you go to bed with your friend, not with some girl whose name you didn't even know, wasn't it? Even if it was also a bit disturbing...And kinda weird. Come to think of it, how would she be able to look at him from now on, and not think at the same time about them making love? She felt herself blush a bit at the mere thought. She pushed it away quickly.

_As if they didn't live under enough tension..._

Oliver was so restless recently. He couldn't find peace. Ever since Dig had left. After they fell apart over Oliver's secrets and lies. Again. She tried to talk some sense into both of them, but she hadn't succeeded . They were men after all, both too stubborn to admit to having made a mistake. Dig couldn't work any longer with someone he didn't trusted completely. Oliver was just not able to be completely honest. Why couldn't they meet somewhere in the middle? Why?

She felt gooseflesh on her bare arms again. It was really chilly here. It made her wonder how Oliver could sleep under that thin blanket. She knew that after surviving the island he rarely felt cold, but still... She clung to his side with all her body, trying to get some warmth, and pulled the coarse blanket a little higher to cover her breasts.

She needed to do something about this, she should have a spare blanket at her place... Well, maybe not that white one with the red and green butterflies but something more...plain. He would grumble about it, of course, insisting that he doesn't need anything. A typical man. Or worse, he would think that she expected something in return. Why couldn't he understand that she simply cared for him?

God, she really would be exhausted at work by her lack of sleep. She hoped there wouldn't be much to do. As if people could ever quit their habit of breaking their computers. She would be out of job if they didn't to it, but still, maybe that one day they could just...not come? And leave it for the day after tomorrow? One way or another, she would still need a lot of coffee to survive.

For a while she felt an urge to surrender to sleep, but she managed to overcome it. Not only because she wanted to enjoy the moment little longer, save it and let it never fade away, but because she knew that the hour or so of sleep she could grab would probably only give her a hell of a headache.

She embraced Oliver a bit more tightly, trying to steal some more warmth from him to forget about the coldness of the foundry. Arrowcave, as she called it, annoying him a bit every time he heard that name. The connotation brought up something she didn't want to reconsider right now. But once it surfaced, she couldn't stop thinking about it again. Normally she pushed away thoughts about the Arrow's violent nature, but lying beside him she couldn't stop from wondering... How the hands which had touched her so gently, that stroked her hips, and thighs and breasts, could be at the same time the hands which killed so many? How could one man be so full of contradictions? Once she found herself on that dark train of thought, the more rational side of her started to wonder what she was doing. Aiding a criminal. A murderer. Now she had slept with him. Did this mean that she was exactly like those unfortunate girls she had read about once, who got hung up on serial killers and other sociopaths?

 _Love is like a bullet to the brain. Your own slice of insanity_. Wasn't that what that mad woman, Cutter, said about her obsession with the Arrow? Maybe Felicity was also obsessed with him...and what was worse, with somebody who didn't deserve it.

But Oliver was not like all those evil people! He committed...mistakes (as if making a pin-,or rather an arrow-cushion, out of thirty-something guys could be called a mistake). But he regretted those rash actions, she knew that he did. He was a hero to her, even if he didn't think like that about himself and insisted that he was only a vigilante.

But at the same time, he _was_ a criminal according to the law. A wanted man.

And one day he might get captured. It was her greatest fear. Strangely enough, she was not afraid that much that he might get killed one day while out there, fighting crime. She kept repeating herself that he was way too cunning and skillful to ever fall into some trap. But if it ever happened...They would treat him as the worst kind of a criminal, and send him to a prison for the rest of his days, or perhaps...Perhaps they would lock him up in some asylum, thinking that he was a dangerous madman. A lunatic who had to be kept in complete isolation from society. She felt a cold shiver run down her spine at the mere possibility.

Where were these grim and depressing thoughts coming from anyway? There was not a man in The Glade's precinct, from Captain Lance to the youngest beat cop, who would want to arrest him. But when it came to the cops from the central police station...and the authorities at city hall...They looked askance at the deal Lance had with the Arrow. But as long as the people of Starling considered the hooded vigilante to be their hero, they couldn't really make any move on him.

She couldn't imagine what would have to happen to make people turn on him. His was a modern version of Robin Hood, no matter if he liked that name or not. He was the people's hero. So, he was safe, right?

The grayish light of breaking dawn was slowly creeping inside the foundry through the skylights in the roof. She watched it, knowing that her time was almost up.

_Just a while longer...Just one more moment..._

Finally she couldn't stay any longer. She knew she would be late to work anyway, but she didn't care. She kissed him on the cheek and slipped out of bed, not even looking back as she was dressing up quickly, shivering. All that had happened between them belonged to yesterday anyway, and today...

She didn't want to think about today.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Afterword: Hope you liked this story. So as you can see, I wanted to explore Felicity's and Oliver's relationship from a different angle. Basically when it comes to those two what I saw regarding season 1 and 2 was one-sided love. And it's written along those lines. There is a certain tension between them – Felicity having that crush on Oliver, and he being more and more aware of it, and they get together on the spur of the moment. But I don't view it a typical ship fic.
> 
> Overall I think that the trope of unrequited love is not widely explored in fandom, and neither in popular culture, which is a shame, because come to think of that it happens in real life rather often. Much more often that those widely used tropes like One True Love or Love at First Sight etc.
> 
> I wanted also address some matters, which are rarely touched in the show itself. Like Felicity acknowledging how much she risks aiding someone who is a criminal according to the law. And giving some thoughts to the nature of her relationship with Oliver. And the simple fact that when one is devoted to the mission save-my-city-right-father's-wrongs one doesn't exactly have time to pursue relationships.
> 
> Believe it or not, but I actually enjoy writing Felicity's POV, although I'm not an Olicity fan. After all the angsty stuff I normally pour into my stories (Oliver's POV is usually very angsty every time I write it), writing her POV it's like catching a breath. Just to clarify — Felicity doesn't appear as POV in "A Professional Observation", but in my another Arrow story. I liked her as the character in season 1 and 2 — when she was a normal girl. Her normality was what made her stand out from the bunch of characters with issues. It was lost in the show along the way IMO. And I can't forgive the showrunners what they did with "Arrow" in season 3, creating unnecessary drama and love triangles. In season 4 I'm mostly okay with Oliver's and Felicity's relationship as long as they presented it as the relationship of two adult people — and this is what season 3 completely lacked.
> 
> One more thing. In case you wondered — the Robin Hood show I mention is "Robin of Sherwood".


End file.
